


Afterthoughts

by stardians



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (kind of), Artistic liberties were taken since we know very little about the Soul Stone World, Basically Gamora's thoughts in the Soul Stone World, Bittersweet Ending, Drax and Mantis are only mentioned, F/M, Gamora and Nebula deserve better, Gen, Groot is there for a minute too, Many artistic liberties, Minor Starmora at the end, One Shot, POV Gamora (Marvel), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sad, Thanos is mentioned because he is a monster :), The F-word is used so that's the only reason I rated it Teen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 22:39:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15399084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardians/pseuds/stardians
Summary: (Post Infinity War) A stream of Gamora's consciousness while trapped in a strange, orange world after the events on Vormir.





	Afterthoughts

_ You were the one who wanted to win, and I just wanted a sister... _

 

The words floated in and out of her head as Gamora lay on her side weeping. 

 

It had been what felt like a lifetime of this, sitting in solitude with only the memories of her loved ones keeping her company. Mostly the bad memories. Her sister’s pained expression as they charged at each other, first as children, then as adults who should know better. The universe was at stake, and yet they were still at each other's throats. 

 

Then Gamora would remember what came after. The understanding. The forgiveness. The fiery hatred that had loomed in her heart for so long, extinguished in a breath. 

 

She couldn’t believe her sister had stood in front of her, emotions left exposed for Gamora to see, out in the open for the first time in her life. And she couldn’t believe she’d never realized it before — the extent of Nebula’s suffering. Gamora had been so blinded by victory and strength, the kind that only comes from a titan’s approval. All she knew was success or defeat, and that one side was far preferable to the other. 

 

She didn’t want to let herself become weak. Fall victim to the whims of tyrants, unable to put up a fight. She was young then, but she knew the story of her people well. So she fought. Teeth gritted, eyes narrowed, staring into the desperate eyes of her greatest enemy, her own sister. And she won. Every time. 

 

Gamora closed her eyes to shake away the memory, escape the heartbreaking scene she was reliving, but even in the furthest corner of her mind, she would always remember watching Nebula during their fights. Her wavering fists. Her vicious remarks that fear left caught in her throat. Gamora always noticed every little weakness, and used each one to her advantage. 

 

Now, questions of morality chased each other in circles in Gamora’s mind.  _ How could you be so cruel? She was just like you, unwilling and afraid. You were all she had and you left her to rot, to be abused and modified and do all of his dirty work.  _ But then,  _ How could you not? You knew the stakes. You knew his methods and his plans. You knew that the only way out was to beat the system, become stronger than it and run. She should have been smarter, she should have known better. It’s not your fault; it’s her’s. _

 

It’s overwhelming. Sobbing, Gamora thrusts her fist into the ground, pounding at it as to punish the very universe for the suffering of the two sisters. It was unjust, but then again, the galaxy never did make any promises. 

 

She sat up, wiping the tears away with the memory of their reconciliation. It was years too late, miles too short of making up for their long standing rivalry, but at least it had happened. 

 

She could never imagine the pain Nebula had to put aside to even look Gamora in the eyes again, let alone to smile, to give her a hug, to genuinely care for her in the slightest. It was admirable, the resility of her sister. Gamora knew she had a lot to make up for if their relationship were ever to be functional, or normal, like sisters should be.

 

And they had a lot of trouble to fight their way out of. The last time she had seen Nebula, she felt her heart break all over again. She bore witness to the agony that washed over Nebula’s body as the miserable titan tortured her, the screams of pain that sounded all too familiar to childhood memories. The two sisters couldn’t keep this up forever, running and getting caught. 

 

They were up against Thanos, their father, an intergalactic warlord of immeasurable strength and power. But now, they were together. Two badass women of the galaxy, hardened by their past and driven by revenge; the more Gamora imagined it, the more she believed they had a chance to make it out of their twisted family dynamic alive.

 

That is, if she ever were to see her sister again. 

 

And if Gamora was even alive herself. 

 

Remembering where she was, Gamora fell back to the ground. At the moment, she had much bigger problems than the fragile state of her sisterhood. Which was just typical. 

 

She felt drained. Not from the fall, or from her father’s fatal display of paternal “love,” but from what came after. The sucking of her soul from her body, tearing her entire personhood from one dimension to this new one. 

 

It was too bright. Everything in this world came in shades of the same sickly sweet goldenrod hue, too sunny for this limbo between life and whatever happens next. And it was hazy. Dusty. Gamora could just make out the horizon line if she strained her eyes enough. She was tired. But at least she was still here, somewhere.

 

The Soul Stone came with a price, but based on her circumstance, its purchase must be refundable. She still existed in this plane, so there had to be a way to break out, reverse the sacrifice, do something to get back to her reality. So she could hunt Thanos down and fucking destroy him. 

 

As long as she wasn’t too late already. By now Thanos had four of the infinity stones, dangerously closing in on his goal and the destruction of life itself. He had probably moved on to the next task already, the murder of his favorite child merely a stepping stone in his quest for the greater good. Gamora let out a bitter laugh. Of course there would be no mourning, no moment of grief for the fiercest warrior he had ever trained. 

 

But then she wondered about the others. Nebula, Mantis, the Guardians. Her real family. 

 

Peter. 

 

Where had he gone after Thanos left with her? Had he already found out what happened? Had any of them?

 

She only hoped they wouldn’t worry about her for too long. Stop Thanos, save the galaxy — those were their prerogatives. Normally, she’d believe that most of those selfish assholes wouldn’t have a problem with that. But things were different now; different with Groot needing parenting, with Mantis in the crew, with Nebula. Things were different, in all the best ways. Gamora genuinely cared about the others, and she knew that if that feeling went both ways, her friends would fight like hell in her name. She just hoped they would fight in the right directions.

 

And by “they,” she knew she was mostly thinking of Peter. Their unspoken thing, as he’d called it, had grown into an unshakeable trust, a bond like nothing she had ever experienced before. Earlier that day, when he had pulled the trigger on her like he’d promised, she knew it was real. But the look in his eyes when the gun had failed, when Gamora remained struggling in Thanos’ arms, when she vanished...he wasn’t ready for it. Like a puppy who’d been thrown to the curb. Afraid, not for physical reasons, but because of something much deeper. 

 

Gamora appreciated how much he cared for her, but wanted to kick him in the teeth at the same time. Peter was supposed to be a leader, get the others in line, point them where they needed to go. She needed him, now more than ever, to step it up and win this battle. Peter was cunning, and persistent, and too ambitious for his own good; she knew this. He could handle the team. 

 

Handling Thanos, however, was a different task entirely. At least Peter and the Guardians wouldn’t be alone, she recalled. The mysterious one-eyed man who had boarded their ship and run off with Rocket and Groot — Thor? — had mentioned a whole team of warriors on Earth that were set out to stop the titan. A bunch of humans. Humans could be powerful, she reasoned. Peter was half human. This Earth group was probably something like an army of Peter Quills.

 

_ Oh my God,  _ Gamora thought to herself.  _ The galaxy is screwed. _

 

Realistically, the humans’ numbers needed to be in the thousands to have any effect on the titan. And that was without the infinity stones at his disposal — of which he could have any number of by now. 

 

She needed to be out of here. She needed to know what was happening, at least, instead of sitting around worrying about every possible outcome. More than anything, she needed her fist around her father’s throat. To fucking end him before he caused the universe any permanent damage. Or started torturing her sister again, or playing mind games with Peter. 

 

God, if only she had any energy. Even then, there didn’t seem to be any way to make it out of the Soul Stone from inside. Gamora was trapped at the hands of her father once more, incapable of helping anyone she loved, resigned to waiting out the battles as a side effect of her unfortunate familial relations. It was the truth, but she would tear herself to pieces before she believed it. 

 

The sky was getting dark now. Gamora knew that if she had any chance of finding her way out of this hellish orange wasteland, she needed to rest first. But her mind wouldn’t let her. Over and over again, she was reminded of the people who she had fought against, then fought with; the people she had first called her friends, then her family; the people whose lives were now in more danger than before; the people she had failed to save. Images flashed by showing her sister growing up, her body more metallic and cold each time. The sounds of Peter’s mixtapes filled the silence — the music he sang along to while cooking up breakfast on lazy mornings, or when he sat with Gamora looking at the sky at night, when they were the only ones up.

 

Fighting back the pangs of loneliness that were eating at her skin, Gamora began to sing one of her favorites from Peter’s mix. She just hummed the notes at first, then carefully began adding the words, each one thrumming on her heartstrings like thunder. 

 

_ “I must’ve been through about a million girls, I’d love ‘em and I’d leave ‘em alone…” _

 

Tears began to stream down her face, Gamora having lost count of how many times she had cried since being thrown into the Soul Stone. She couldn’t bring herself to stop. Her memories of Peter continued to crash around her as she kept singing —

 

_ “I fooled around and fell in love…” _

 

She had to stop, taking deep breaths to avoid the screams of frustration that were building up inside. She was going to break at any minute, and what she needed right now was a clear head, was some quiet and sleep, was -

 

“I am Groot!”

 

Gamora snapped her head up, startled by the familiar voice that had just spoken her name. Was she hallucinating? She could have sworn that Groot was right there, lumbering towards her with the biggest smile on his face. Her fears were assuaged when Groot proved to be very real, almost knocking her over with the force of his hug.

 

“Groot? What are you doing here? What- what happened?” She asked in his embrace, her relief in seeing a familiar face unable to soothe her worries. She hoped his answer would be very different from her own, remembering the first time the Guardians had to watch Groot sacrifice his own life in front of them.

 

Before Groot could speak, the sound of wind and crunching leaves caught their attention. Looking up, she saw a group of blurry figures coming into view. She felt Groot leave her side as she wiped her eyes off to clear her vision. Slowly, one man leading the pack began to come into view. He was running. Very fast. But his face was in enough focus for Gamora to recognize it instantly.

 

“Peter?”

 

He was at her side now. Glassy-eyed and exhausted, they stared at each other before coming together in a tight, eager embrace. Gamora’s hands latched on a fistful of Peter’s shirt, still in shock that he had appeared right in front of her, as if sprung straight from the thoughts in her brain. She could feel him trembling, his breaths quick and shaky. 

 

“We heard you...were you singing?” he asked, and Gamora grinned, feeling her heart soften as the two shared a tiny, sparkling moment. It proved fleeting once reality set back in.

 

“Peter, how did you get here?” Gamora asked, her eyes a mix of bewildered admiration and grave concentration. She glanced back at the crowd he had arrived with — Drax and Mantis gave her small smiles, but they were accompanied by several other humans that Gamora had never seen before. Peter parted his lips to answer her question before shifting his attention to the scene around them. Gamora’s eyes followed, and she gasped at what she saw.

 

Dust was raining down from the sky in all directions, spiraling down to land in forms of a million shapes and sizes. It was like the aftermath of a volcano, only these shreds of death were somehow turning back to life. Everywhere she looked, she saw creatures of different species rising up from piles of ash, each one confused and distraught. A pit of dread planted itself in Gamora’s gut, pulling at her, letting her know her worst fears had come to fruition. Screams and sobs rang through the golden fields, chaos entering what was once her vacant and lonely world. 

 

“Peter,” she began again, gripping his arm, bringing their eyes back together despite the noise and the masses surrounding them from all sides. “Tell me he didn’t do it.”

 

Peter let out a breath as Gamora held onto him with the last ounce of energy she had left, staring up at him in search of an answer that she almost didn’t want to find. 

 

All Peter could do was blink out another tear and whisper — 

 

“I’m sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> **DISCLAIMER** Peter's last line is in no way meant to frame him as the reason Thanos got away with his plan in IW. I just really wanted to write both him and Gamora in their most heartbroken and fragile states because I'm a monster. I do not blame Peter Quill for the actions of a genocidal maniac and neither should you. Just to clear that line up.
> 
> Anyways! This is my first work, it's pretty short but I have been working on it for a while. Hopefully I will grow and improve from here. Let me know your thoughts! If you love Gamora more than the moon and stars as well, let me know about that too. She is my baby and I just love writing about her. As Ariana Grande wrote in The Holy Bible: "God is a Woman."
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!


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